reasons...

June 30, 2003 | 8:05 pm

so there are a lot of entries i could make, but i just don't feel like it. i don't know why...

i had a good story to tell and i planned on coming home last night and writing all about it. but then i thought, nah... it would just take too long. it's like i can't write here anymore because i don't feel like taking the time. sometimes i just wish i could write perfect short little entries. ya know? just one-liners or a few sentences... but if my mind worked like that, i wouldn't be me.

i'm always too complicated.

but at the same time simple. i confuse myself.

anyway, the point of this was that there is one entry i do want to make...

today my friend at work, we started working there the same day, so we kind of bonded because of that... so anyway, today he came up to me as i was working, he took the earphone out of my ear and said "i have to tell you something later... it's kind of personal." and he put the earphone back. now, maybe it's just me, but i can only think of one thing he could possibly say. sometime last week he told me that he had something to tell me 'later'.. but he never did. so all day today i was freaking out. i just don't want it to be that he likes me. ugh. anything else would be fine with me. but what else could it be? he said it was "personal." ughhh....

yeah, so my whole idea today was that if he said that, i'd say, no you don't. cuz 1st, i really don't think that he does. 2nd, there's just no way. i couldn't stop thinking about it all day. i planned to tell him that i go back to school in august, and that he doesn't want me, i'm too messed up. plus that he has way too much going on in his life... etc. i couldn't say, no i don't like you, because i just can never do that. i've never been able to do that, and i end up hurting guys more by NOT saying straight off that i don't like them. but i don't need to with him, because those reasons are enough on their own. he has two kids. twins. that are 2 yrs. old. i mean, come on. we all know i don't need that kind of thing. secondly, i'm not attracted to him in a way that's more than friends. and as i said, he doesn't like me. haha. he could move from liking one girl to the next in a matter of days. ya know? so whatever.. but he never said anything to me today. so i was really relieved. i just really hope if he ever does tell me what he has to tell me, that it's not what i'm thinking. anything else but. ugh.

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