why do i do this to myself?

May 30, 2003 | 1:33 pm

ugh... sometimes i hate myself. yeah, i'm depressed.

i do not like this new job i have. first of all, the pay is absolute shit. i didn't even know how much i was making until the 3rd day i worked. plus, i found out there are NO BREAKS. absolutely none. (there are no laws in my state that you have to have breaks. grrr.)

so yeah, it's really great working at a restaurant where you can't even eat. plus i work with a bunch of high schoolers. they're starting to grow on me, but still. they're really young.

i don't want to work there. but i don't feel like getting off my ass to find another job. there are things i could do, but i'd have to get dressed and get my resume done and go out and find another job. how pathetic is it that i can't even get myself to do that?

god dammit, i'm such an idiot. someone just kick me in the face, please. i deserve it.

i work tonight at 6. i got up this morning at 8 just because. so i hung out with my mom for a couple minutes til she went to work. then i played piano for an hour, which was beautiful. then i went back to bed. i planned to sleep for only a couple hours, and of course i just got up. and i had nothing but crazy weird dreams the whole time i slept. so instead of getting a whole bunch of stuff done today, i slept. and my parents want to go out to dinner at 4. so that means i have 2 hours to do stuff. and of course, 2 hours to me means no time at all.

you'd think that all this yelling i'm doing at myself, that i could just do something. but nooo. i freakin' can't make myself do ANYTHING.

plus, i don't want to work at night. i thought this kind of schedule would be great for me, but really, it's not good for me at all. because it allows me to sleep the day away and then go straight to work. now what fun is that? plus, i go to work before my mom gets home, so i only see her for about an hour after i get home. then she goes to bed. and my friends will be working in the day, so i won't even get to talk to them.

oh, someone please shoot me.

just put me out of my misery.

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