what do i do?

April 08, 2003 | 7:30 pm

so, what do i do?

i don't know if i'm asking for a response to that or not.

i saw the boy (not the NEW boy... the boy...) yesterday and today. i got to talk to him yesterday. told him i'd emailed him back so he should check his mail. he told me the problem he has with his email forwarding, etc. we talked about the test i'd just finished taking. i was pretty relaxed. it's weird cuz the last time i talked to him, i was pretty nervous. but maybe because i'd given up on him again, it didn't matter when i actually did get to talk to him. man, i don't know... i'm so confusing.

but yeah, he's so pretty. he should stop that.

then today i just waved and smiled at him. he did the same.

so, no one's here right now. just me. kinda boring, cuz i really don't have any homework. i doubt i'd be doing any if i had any either. (good god, what kind of sentence was that? hehe.)

i keep wondering if i should go see what the new boy is doing. but i don't know.

maybe one of the problems is that he seems different now that we're dating or whatever it is that we're doing. i'm not used to that. my first boyfriend had been trying to date me for months before i liked him, so he was the same before and after we started dating. my second boyfriend, he didn't really care either way, so i'm sure he acted the same. cuz it didn't really matter to him. the third boyfriend... well, he was the same amount of shy and dorkiness while we were dating and the brief amount of time where we were just friends.

but this one... he's so nervous-like around me now. i didnt' see it before. so i don't know. maybe it's just that? or maybe i'm seeing that he really is younger than me. or maybe i just wanted someone.

well, i'm pretty sure i said all this in my last entry. so i don't know why i'm saying it again. man, i don't know.

i'd really like for him to not be so nervous. just relax and be himself.

ugh. i'm so retarded.